Separation Relationships Can Get Stronger After Heartache

After a separation, relationships can be hard to rebuild. The point of a separation is to see if you can live without each other and to get some time away from your problems to gain some perspective. Unfortunately, people tend to look at a separation as the beginning of the end for a marriage.

This doesnt have to be true of every separation: relationships can actually come out the other side stronger and healthier than they ever were before. The key to coming back from a separation is to fix the mistakes and problems that lead to the separation and make sure they stay fixed.

A lot of people make an effort to solve the problems to get their significant others back but fail to do the necessary upkeep. This is very much like going on a diet and then expecting to keep the weight off by going back to exactly what you did before. Theres a reason why so many people gain the weight back, and its the same reason there are so many divorces after separation; relationships need maintenance.

The very first thing you need to do to come back from a separation is to find out what the real reasons for the separation were. There will always be a superficial reason, some event driving the decision, but this is rarely the reason, this is usually just a symptom of the real problem.

If you dont find out what the true reason for the separation, relationships will always fail. This means you have to use the time away from the marriage to look at the problem with as much distance as you can. Your emotions will tend to mislead you.

Once youve found out what the problem is, you can begin to do the work needed to fix it. This is a process that involves your spouse; there are two people in a marriage and it takes both of you working together to fix the problems that lead to the separation. Relationships need to be a partnership, and this is a good place to start.

The good news is that fixing the problem is actually the easier part. Finding the problems tends to be harder, and thats the part most couples will get hung up on. The actual fix is usually just a matter of working with your partner to find the solutions and compromises that will allow you to work around the problem.
Like a diet, this will be a lifetime project, and it will involve change. The fact is that something was broken in your marriage, and the both of you are going to have change to make it work. This where most people go wrong after a separation; relationships have be treated as something brand new.

The best strategy is to treat the relationship as if it is something entirely new. Rebuild your marriage from the ground up, making sure to address the problems that how come before, but also addressing what has come before.

After a separation, relationships can be rebuilt. You just need to take the time and put in the work. Another good idea is to get some help; there are systems and advice available all over the internet that show you exactly what you need to do to fix your relationship and save your marriage.
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Saving A Relationship 3 Tips For Doing So

Whether youve recently broken up, or youre afraid youre on the brink of a breakup  you can take heart,  saving a relationship is possible.  You can reignite the flame that the two of you once shared.  It wont necessarily be easy or fast, but if youre committed to making it work there is hope.
Ive compiled a list of some of the things you need to do to salvage and repair your relationship.  Keep these tips in mind when you are analyzing your relationship:
1.  Do you really want to stay in the relationship?  I know this may sound like a dumb question but sometimes when we think we want to keep our relationship what we really mean is that were afraid of having to find someone new, or starting over.  If youre brutally honest with yourself you can determine if you really want to continue the relationship or if youre just scared of being on your own.
Another part of this question is to determine if your partner really wants to work on the relationship too.  Even if you decide that your relationship is worth saving, that doesnt mean your partner shares your conviction or will be willing to invest the time and effort to work on your problems.
2.  Honestly evaluate what went wrong in your relationship. Again, this will need to be done by both of you.  This can be the hardest part, its always easier to blame someone else for the problems but its tougher to own up to your part in the break down of your relationship. 
Before you can repair it you need to know not only what is broken but why it broke.  The two of you may even want to visit a couples counselor to help you objectively work through this phase.  Sometimes having an objective third party in the room can help you both stay calm and face things you may not have been willing or able to face on  your own.
3. Try to remember what drew you to each other in the first place.  If youve been in a relationship for a while you obviously loved and enjoyed each other.  So often in a relationship what happens is that the stronger one (or the most selfish one) controls the relationship. They become the one who tends to take more than they give.  The other partner will take on the role of the giver.  Over time the taker will get bored because the fun loving person they fell in love with has become a doormat and the giver will get sick of not getting their needs met often enough.
If your relationship has fallen into this trap you both need to take a step back and remember what attracted you to each other.  This might be a good time to not only remember but to tell the other person.  Remind them why you fell in love with them, and vice a versa.
 Saving a relationship will take time, work, and commitment by both parties, but it can be done.  If you think your relationship is worth saving and your partner thinks so too, than by all means, follow the tips above and you can salvage your relationship.
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