How to just be friends with your ex girlfriend

In most relationships, the time to say goodbye usually arrives at one point or another -- unless you intend to walk down the aisle, of course (and even then...). With your ex, youve shared memories that will either make you laugh or cry, and its time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on. But somewhere on the road of parting ways couples feel the need to promise to stay friends -- which ultimately leads to more broken promises.

So, can you ever be friends with your ex? Does it have to be all-or-nothing?

 

Comfort zone 

 

Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup for weeks, even months. Its never easy to break up with someone youve shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times).

But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce: "Its not you, its me. We can still be friends." This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they arent such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex. 

 

Ive created a monster

 

Not only does it give the dumper the comfort of knowing they arent monsters, but by wanting to remain friends, it also allows the dumper to feel that their former lover will still be in their life, and they wont have to miss having them around.

So now the dumper can move on with their life with ease, and with the pleasure of having coffee with their former mate every so often. The person who got dumped, however, has the pleasure of being constantly reminded of the person who ripped out their heart when they receive friendly messages and e-mail.

Obviously, these messages on the machine and coffee dates dont last long, and if they do, they end even worse than the breakup.

So, having considered all this, can you ever be friends with your ex? We say no. Find out why. 

 

exes must stay that way because

Youve seen each other naked

Although it may be possible to have casual sex with a friend, even this can damage a relationship. As hard as it is to accept, its difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked, and memories of the trysts will always be triggered by the smell of her skin or perfume, or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to.

And as thick-skinned as you are, its hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each others skin and sharing a moment of sheer ecstasy with one another.

Can you ever be friends with your ex? We say no, and we have more reasons...

You cant confide in each other

As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in each other. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You cant even tell your ex that the reason youre smiling so much is because a woman has just pleasured you like never before.

You can tell her these things, but new lovers and mates are always going to be a sensitive issue. Its even harder to tell her how hurt you were that your date stood you up the other night, thanks to your sense of pride.

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are, however, well never actually know how they really are.

There will always be one-sided bitterness

Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness toward the other. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, shes not sincerely your friend. If it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be.

Jealousy comes into play

And where theres bitterness, theres jealousy. And the truth of the matter is that its hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when shes just found the new love of her life.

You dont want them with anyone else

Its human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if our feelings have somewhat faded. It becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.

Passion still exists

Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exists (unless lack of attraction was the reason for your breakup). This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new "friendship" premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that youll end up in "one more" night of unbridled "goodbye" sex, for old times sake. This brings you right back to square one -- how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well. 

 

moving on 

 

Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you dont want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although its easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share.

But having that person lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new people and turn a fresh page. Its almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.

It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.

In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, its impossible. Unless the two of you were the best of friends before, both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup, both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a policy of total honesty, youre better to leave the friendship behind... along with the memories.

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What To Do When Your Ex Has Just Broken Up With You

We all panic when we break up and when your ex has just broken up with you, you are likely to feel hurt, angry and perhaps a little bewildered.
So what can you do?  It really depends on whether you want this man or not.  If you dont want him in your life, allow yourself to grieve for the relationship and then look forward to having fun being single.  Dont waste time trying to get revenge on this man as you will only end up hurting yourself.
But if you really want this man in your life and perhaps feel your behaviour has contributed to the break up, there are a couple of things you can do.
Your first one is to let him know how you feel. Write him a letter, apologising for any bad behaviour and reminding him of the good times you shared together.  Dont be afraid to tell him how much he means to you and how much you miss him.
Assuming you get a positive response to your letter, agree to meet him but do so in a public place. This will help prevent your discussions turning into a huge argument. You will need to be prepared to tell your man how you feel. Dont hide your feelings. If you are angry tell him why but try not to turn the meeting into a blame fest.
This will not help you in convincing him that you are good together. Keep the conversation to facts and also use the word I and not you. For example you should say "I feel let down" rather than "you let me down". This is a lot less confrontational and less likely to cause offence or lead to another argument.
Allow him to criticise you as well.  It is best if this is done in a constructive way.  We all have our faults and some of your less attractive character traits may be, in part, to blame for why he broke up with you.
It is very important that you listen to what he says. Dont assume you know what he is trying to say. Encourage him to say what is on his mind as this is the opportunity for you both to work through any issues in your relationship and come out of this a stronger couple. He may have made the decision to break up, but your behaviour probably contributed to his decision.
Do not play games and dont feel that you have to hold something back in order to make him come back to you. This will only cause feelings of resentment which may lead to you splitting up again. Dont look on a breakup as a negative. All couples go through good and bad patches.  It is a normal feature of adult relationships.
Follow these tips and one day as a happy couple, you may actually be thankful that for the day you found out that your ex has just broken up with you.
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Win Back Lost Love From Long Ago

If you want to win back lost love that is from a long time ago there may be an uphill battle ahead for you. If you are like many, you have reached a point in your life that you realize that things might have been better for you if you had taken that other path. You thought the grass was greener on the other side and then realized that it was an illusion. You realize that the love you had a long time ago may be what you are missing. Here are some things to think about when you want to win back lost love from long ago.

First, make sure that there is nothing in your life right now that may missing out on. The mistake you may have made in the past was that you didn’t take advantage of the opportunities that you had at that moment. Make sure that you don’t make the same mistake again by missing out on something potentially good. If you hate looking back and thinking what you may have missed out on now, try to prevent it from happening again. It’s better having love now and to not have to try and win back lost love later because you were too blind.

Second, realize that they may have moved on. Just because you are discontent with your present and are longing for what could have been with the love from long ago doesn’t mean that they are. You could cause yourself and them more harm than good. If they are happy and content, let them be. If they have moved on, it’s a good sign that you should and not be concerned with winning back lost love.

Third, understand that people change over time. Things may have happened in both of your lives that may have made you very different people. Don’t do this to try and relive what once was. Try to win back lost love because you believe that your future will be better than your present and even your past with this person.

Fourth, start off slowly. If they aren’t expecting you to come calling and all of the sudden you are there constantly it may smell of desperation. You may be desperate and be somewhat obsessed about them but don’t let them know. Take your time and don’t let them know how badly you want them back, at least not for a while. Take the time to get to know them again and for them to get to know you.

Lastly, think forward, not backward. What matters now is moving forward. You can’t relive the past but you can make a future with this person. As much as you may want to go back in time, you can’t. You lost it because one or both of you didn’t make the most of chances you were given and you are doomed to repeat it if you don’t take advantage of today. If you have a chance to start this love over or get your ex back, make the most of the moment.
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How to make your ex girlfriend want you back

The Best Way To Win Back Your Girlfriend Isnt Always The Most Obvious

Getting dumped hurts.  Either you choose to accept it and move on, or take the other road: you fight to repair your relationship, and somehow get back together with your ex girlfriend.

If youre looking for ways to make your ex want you again, youll need to know which methods and techniques work... and which do not.

Keeping a level head and a clear mind is an important part of any process, no matter what goal youre trying to accomplish.  This goes double when it comes to repairing a broken relationship.  Right now you might be feeling a whole host of crazy emotions that are completely overwhelming you and that youre fighting to control.  Dont fight them.  Embrace and process them, so you can get past them first.  Once you can do that, you can start planning on exactly what methods youll need to win back your ex.

Understanding Why She Left... A Critical Part of Getting Your Ex Back

Figuring out what your ex wants probably wasnt an easy task while the two of you were dating.  And now that youre apart?  Just imagine how hard it will be.  If your ex has broken ties with you and you no longer communicate, it might seem like a hopeless task to figure out why she left in the first place.  Still, you need to figure out what caused her to put the brakes on your relationship.

Before learning how to make your ex girlfriend want you back, learn what you did to drive her away... if anything at all.  Some girlfriends get bored, are annoyed by your bad habits, or were sick of fighting all the time.  Others break up with you because they want to date someone else.  Identifying and concentrating on the issues that are within your control can help create a future environment thats a lot more attractive to her than the one she left.  Doing this correctly (and honestly) can go a long way toward getting back together with your exgirlfriend.

Accepting Things and Moving On

Your girlfriend dumped you for a reason, and after some long, hard thoughts on the matter.  Telling her that shes making a mistake is only going to piss her off.  Trying to get her to change her mind?  Ditto.  For this reason its simply foolish to fight the break up.  Its always best to nod your head, roll with it, and get out of there as quickly and quietly as possible.

Know what you left with in such a case?  Your dignity.  Oh yeah, and you brought something else with you too: your ex girlfriends respect.  Those two things will become hugely important later on, when youre working to get your ex girlfriend back.

Breaking Up Without Looking Back

Hey, guess what?  Most breakups never end cleanly.  Usually, the person who got dumped is always trying to call, text, or email the person who did the dumping.  In this case, thats you... so avoid those mistakes.  Crying and begging will get you nowhere, and will actually damage your chances of a future relationship with your ex.

In some cases though, your ex might try to stay in touch with you.  Hell, she may even offer to remain friends.  Sounds good right?  WRONG.  Tell her "thanks, but no thanks".  Let your exgirlfriend know that you love her too much to sit through a platonic friendship, "pretending" to be buddies with her.  You should love yourself too much as well... because trying to carry on a friendship with your ex is only going to torture yourself every time you see or hear from her.

Giving Your Ex Time To Miss and Want You

Once your ex understands that ending things means she wont be able to see or hear from you anymore, its going to upset her.  She probably wanted to end things on her own terms; slowly over time.  This gives her the opportunity to grow accustomed to not having you around, but at the same time be able to reverse the break up if she feels like she made a mistake.  Uh-uh.  Youre not sitting around on the bench, waiting for that.

Instead, you want your ex girlfriend back in your arms.  This means letting go of her.  Only be allowing your ex some time alone can you really give her the chance to miss you.  Want to know how to make your ex girlfriend want you back?  Give her space.  Give her the space she said she wanted when she first broke up with you... then give her ten galaxies more.  Your ex should be drowning in all the silent, empty space you give her.  Her phone should be a vacant, barren expanse of NO incoming calls from you.  Her text-message center should reverberate with echoes. Moths should fly out of her email inbox.

Once your ex sees what her life is going to be like without you around?  Thats when shell start wanting you back.  This is your ultimate goal, and one you can arrive at only with cool patience and self-control.

Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend When The Moment Is Right

Ultimately, you cant get back with your ex unless you DO talk to her.  Before you make the decision to initiate contact, you should explore other options.  There are some excellent methods for getting your ex to contact you, and you should know exactly What To Say To Your Ex Girlfriend when you first talk again.

You should also know the right time to contact your girlfriend: in the evening.  Catching her right before bed is your best bet; shes unwinding from the stress of the day and may even be laying there on her pillow staring up at the ceiling, perhaps even thinking about you.

The Ultimate FAQ For Getting Your Exgirlfriend Back

The process of winning your ex back contains many variables.  What should you do if shes dating someone else?  Can you still get her back?  What if you cheated, or she was unfaithful to you?  Special circumstances surrounding your break up may require all different kinds of treatment - be sure to check out the Ultimate Get Back Ex Girlfriend FAQ and see if theres something you can apply to your own unique situation.

Other Resources To Save Your Relationship

Nothings scarier than the possibility of losing someone you really love.  For this reason, you should never leave getting back together with your ex "to chance".  Some guys feel like they can pick up the phone and just wing it - maybe theyll succeed, and maybe theyll fail.  But if you want to absolutely maximize your chances of dating your ex again?  You need to gather all the knowledge you can before making a single move.

The following guide contains over 20+ pages of fantastic free information on How To Make Your Ex Girlfriend Want You Back.

And for those wishing step-by-step instruction on all aspects of reversing a break up, check out this amazing 8-Step Process on How to Get Back an Ex Girlfriend!

So read up... and good luck!
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