Worst To Best Stanley Kubrick

Have you ever tried to watch all of Kubrick’s films within a very short duration of time? It’s no easy task, take my word for it. It’s kind of like an episode of Will it Blend?, where your brain gets overstuffed with so much detailed data that your processor has to work at three times the strength just to remember to breathe, and eventually you kinda fizzle out and die.

I completed the assignment though, and as I reached the conclusion, I demanded my mindcomputer produced a summary of what it had learned. It whirred for a bit, then spluttered, and eventually shat out one plain and simple sentence:

“Kubrick is the greatest director that ever lived”.

Debatable! But that’s what my brain said! And even if we can shout other names (Hitchcock comes to mind), no film connoisseur could argue that Stanley Kubrick is one of the most influential directors of all time. Perhaps you have a different favourite, but I still doubt you’d kick up too much of a fuss when someone drops this genius’ name in such high regard. Because he changed everything! With his controversial topics, revolutionary cinematography, borderline torture of his actors, and complete disregard to what the viewer might have wanted, he managed to lead one of the most perfect careers in movie history, truly without a bad film, and with some very good ones. And so my only hope is that I do the man some justice here by gushing my fanboy juices all over this page, and I also want you to enjoy it, whoever you are.

Note: Short documentaries and AI were not included for obvious reasons.

13. Killers Kiss (1955)

Only a list about Kubrick would dare to feature a movie as decent as Killer’s Kiss to be this low, but something had to be here, and so here it is. For, as the director’s second feature film, you could already feel the man gazing in the right direction, even if the budget was so constrictive that Stanley was reportedly forced onto welfare during the shooting, and a lot of the scenes had to be shot in secret, hidden from the police due to the lack of permits. However, the absence of money wasn’t the issue, as all the style and odd surrealistic moments in the world could not save this film from the one thing that burdened it the worst: a painfully ordinary storyline. It flashed back upon the thin love tale between a boxer and a private dancer, portrayed by some of the stiffest acting I’ve ever seen in my whole life, complete with dialogue so bland that it’s rumoured to have been dubbed into the film during post production. True or not, thats a pretty severe rumour. Now blend this with the fact that United Artists changed the ending of the script against Kubrick’s wishes, and I reckon the man himself would understand why we are leaving this right here.

12. Spartacus (1960)

I am Spartacus! Winning four Academy Awards, becoming the biggest moneymaker in Universal Studios’ history for a decade, and having been subjected to countless parodies ever since; it is no wonder as to why this historical epic drama has received more than its fair share of worship in latter days. But that means shit to me. Because even while the mighty title character (portrayed perfectly by Kirk Douglas) impressively leads this powerful rebellion against Christianity, slavery, race discrimination, gender discrimination, and the Roman Empire ... the film itself simply feels less “Kubrick” than anything else on this list. The reasons are obvious, as the director was employed as a replacement, forced into the pilot seat within two days of signing his contract without any creative control over the script, design, or the actors. As a result, even our hero labeled this three hour long drag as “too moralising”, distancing his name from the project and refusing to be a hired gun ever again because of it. And I understand. I mean, sure, I have to respect that many groupies do praise this flicks existence most highly, but I am just not one of them, and this is my blog, so.

11. Fear and Desire (1953)

By creeping around the net, you will find almost every similar Worst to Best Kubrick list cold-heartedly elbows this short military film to the very bottom, and who can blame them? As Stanley’s first feature (funded by borrowed money from family and friends), critics have disregarded Fear and Desire as a clunky, sloppy, and unsteady introduction to the director. Hell, even the master himself denounced the film, calling it a “bumbling, amateur exercise,” comparing it to a “child’s drawing on a fridge,” and then personally attempting to buy all the prints himself to destroy them from all of existence (and he nearly succeeded too). Thankfully, some copies survived, and now anyone can enjoy these four soldiers stuck behind enemy lines as they deal with their fear and mental illness, one cliché tale delivered by acting and dialogue which leaves much to be desired (see what I did there?). However, such a bad reputation has served it well by dropping the expectation bar so drastically low that I myself was pleasantly surprised, finding the effort relatively charming with some really memorable scenes, and naturally blessed with the unavoidable scent of Kubrick’s genius firmly in tact. So, yes, maybe it’s not all that great, but it’s definitely not as bad as everyone says it is.

10. Barry Lyndon (1975)

Despite this pitiful position, there has to be a reason as to why Barry Lyndon won four production Oscars; why Scorsese named it his favourite Kubrick in the world; and why it is often rated one of the greatest films ever made, right? Right. And this is because the 1700s period drama is a technological feat and an aesthetic landmark of note, as we witness our unlikeable protagonist elegantly manipulating his way through the most visually appealing scenery one could envision, surrounded by historically accurate costumes and a certain minimal lighting which achieved exactly what Kubrick set out to create: a movie which looked like a painting. But, be honest now, would you stare at a painting for three hours? Because that’s what this is like: one slow, uneventful experience, presented via characters as dull as the storyline itself, a prime example of style over substance. Which might be why the bloated offering didn’t quite hit the commercial success everyone had hoped for, yet is still defended vigorously by many, claiming it takes multiple viewings to fully appreciate, but thats a lot of hours, man! I dont really have time for that, sorry. I mean, in all fairness, it is untouchable for what it is, but as far as entertainment goes, it simply falls too short for my liking (or, rather, way too fucking long).

09. The Killing (1956)

Even if this hopeless love story/heist gone wrong isnt exactly the most unique of plotlines, it does mark the point where Kubrick started to realise who he wasn’t (by judging his former failures), and working out where he needed to go (which is evident in what followed). Unfortunately, not everyone was too convinced, as United Artists still had no faith in the man, refusing to put up much money for the project (leaving the director to once again rely on loans), as well as insisting on a narrator (which Kubrick hated, and is often noted as a big flaw of the film). However, our director got the last laugh, as when this movie was released, the box office ... performed poorly at best :( But it did do wonders for his reputation; the non-linear, fast-paced flick praised as Stanley’s most mature to date, critically acclaimed then, and a cult favourite now, many applauding its humorous commentary on morality—not to mention the trademark camera work Mr Kubrick quickly became famous for. Yet perhaps even more significant than all of this, was when Quentin Tarantino openly labeled The Killing as a major influence on Reservoir Dogs, which is not only very easy to see, but also, very cool.

08. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

As Kubrick died six days after showing the final cut of Eyes Wide Shut to Warner Brothers, the rumours surrounding his own opinion of the film reflected that of the general public. Some say he considered it his best work, others claimed he loathed it, and I sympathise, as even I cannot tell whether I enjoy this “erotic thriller” or not. Featuring the awkward on screen romance/jealousy between the (then) real life lovers Cruise and Kidman, the whole script felt as though it was lost in its own dream, stumbling through excessively sexual scenes, so far detached from itself that even the challenging surrealistic mindfuck resulted in one overall unsatisfactory dull stroll. But as slow and indulgent as it turned out, the seedy mood lingers long after the credits, and much like all of Kubrick’s latter work, was so unsettlingly detailed that the symbolism debates have often outweighed the plot. Which is why I could talk about this film forever, as undoubtedly his most psychologically creepy and dangerous offering, either my favourite of his lesser films, or my least favourite of his better ones, I can never tell which one. But a curious leaving gift regardless.

07. Paths of Glory (1957)

You may have noticed that "anti-war" is a common theme in Kubrick’s tank, but none hit the mark as sincerely as Paths of Glory, which tackled the issue of cowardice in the face of a suicide mission, and the horrific consequences a platoon may be subjected to as punishment. Set in World War 1, there is no comedic value in here, rather a very truthful account of the dark sadness one may be exposed to within these tragic circumstances, although the true tragedy lay wherein (once again) an early Kubrick was so easily disregarded, barely breaking even and receiving heavy censorship and opposition from Spain and France due to the portrayal of their countries. But alls well that ends well, and it ended well, as the movie continues to be critically worshipped to this very day, partially for the outstanding acting (in particular from Kirk Douglas), but mostly for the director finally coming into his own style with his perfect choices of locations and methods of lighting, reportedly a key influence on “one of the greatest TV dramas of all time,” The Wire. Kubrick also met his future wife on the set of this film, and they stayed married forever, so that’s lovely too ::heart emoji::

06. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

This film is so epic that I’m scared to even talk about it. It’s basically four movies in one, with hardly any dialogue, purposefully bland acting, and a slow pace to really accentuate the atmosphere of space, cryptically exploring complex philosophies such as artificial intelligence, extraterrestrial life, and (most importantly) the evolution of man. If such an overly-intellectual premise didn’t exhaust you already, then the execution will, as this is one of the most influential films ever made, leaping over the special effects of its era, and pioneering techniques which other directors steal to this very day. And yet, it still divided audiences on either side of the ground it broke: the Academy adored it (earning Kubrick his only personal Oscar) and kids on drugs found God in the Star Gate sequence; while others once again called another Kubrick “too long” and “a drag”, 241 people reportedly walking out of the premier alone. What’s worse is that it aimed to ask questions rather than solve them, leaving the obscure art piece frustratingly open to interpretation, all of which abandons me on the fence, watching me die while I try to make my mind up. But what I do know is that it changed the game, was ahead of its time (even now), and will be furiously analysed until mankind’s very end (or perhaps even more so then). Its kinda beyond a movie, really.

05. Lolita (1962)

Taking on Vladimir Naboko’s naughty novel about an anxious 40 year old man’s irrational infatuation towards a barely teenage girl, one would inevitably expect to clash with some share of opposition, and yet even Kubrick had no idea as to the extent of this. Naturally, the film was plagued with censorship issues from the get-go, nobody daring to touch it, forcing the director to rely on innuendos and subtle suggestions to get the intense subject matter across, toning it down to such a degree that the man admitted he would have never made the movie if he knew what the limitations were going to be. Due to this, groupies of the original book were appalled by the tame adaptation, taking it in turns to disregard the butchery of their classic “love story”, and I can only imagine this hurt Mr Kubrick even further. However, it did make money, and the reviews have always been consistently high, with a particular focus on the actors themselves. And I guess that’s why I love it so much. Which is to say, I am in love with Sue Lyon, I dont care if she was only 14 years old at the time, her performance seduced me as intended and now Im probably going to jail. Thanks a lot, Stanley.

04. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Ok, and now we’ve hit the real big boys, starting with Full Metal Jacket, based on Hasford’s novel The Short-Timers, and coming in as Kubrick’s first feature after a seven year hiatus. The story itself was set in the Vietnam War and is split down into two segments: the first being undoubtedly the most memorable as our volunteer marines endure strenuous bootcamp sessions which challenge their masculinity, owed above all else to the infinitely applauded role of R. Lee Ermey as the vulgar drill sergeant—one truly genuine and considerably quotable performance (reportedly a result of him improvising most of his lines). Unfortunately, as we set off into real battle, the second segment does not quite hit the same mark as the first, but the message still screams loud and clear, exposing the effect of war by granting no hope and dehumanising the characters to point of numbness, whilst somehow maintaining the imaginative spark of humour and unconventional dialogue throughout. So, naturally, it grossed high, was instantaneously critically acclaimed, and everyone still loves it long time.

03. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

There is no topic in the world more serious than an atomic missile attack between the USSR and the US, so why not make a completely ridiculous piss-take of the people’s concerns while it was still fresh on their minds? Which, of course, is exactly what this black and white satire did, telling the tale of various politicians trying their best to prevent a nuclear holocaust in the face of world wide doom. Its a tough situation only aggravated by the fact that every character is a little bit stupid and a little bit insane—a weight carried almost exclusively by Peter Sellers (who performs three of the most memorable roles), granting us permission to laugh in the face of one legitimately scary topic. And this is what makes Dr. Strangelove the film which really cemented Kubrick’s genius; a cynical piece which hasn’t dated whatsoever, effortlessly topping many similar lists, boasting the longest title for a Best Picture nominee (at 13 words), and was so relevant to the time’s greatest fears that the government reportedly changed some of their procedures because of its content. Without a doubt, the most hilarious work Kubrick had to offer, especially once you learn that the whole plots delivery was actually some metaphor for sexual intercourse. Thats not a joke either.

02. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Even if a person hasnt seen A Clockwork Orange, there is a good chance they will be aware of how disturbing it is, and I’m here to explain why. It’s because this dystopian crime landmark shoves violent images into your face whilst asking you to sympathise with the sadistic nature of the main character, Alex. He was created as wicked as they come, yet is still sold as one likeable chap, with his funny words and love for Beethoven and interesting attire and tendency to rape women—he’s almost adorable. Furthermore, his antisocial antics serve a greater purpose, requesting that the viewer contemplates some serious topics to the likes of free will, juvenile delinquency, crime, pornography, and other such problematic political subjects. We, as the witnesses, are expected to identify with evil, and reevaluate who the real victims of our cruel society are. Naturally, such a controversial request was an immediate success everywhere, to the point that many misunderstood the message, and (like any good film) was the catalyst for various real life murders and rapes, generating massive debates in the media and tormenting Kubrick until he completely withdrew the films release in the UK. But with all the parodies and accolades, no one could escape A Clockwork Orange as one explicitly brutal classic, managing to make violence seem like just a bit of fun, really.

01. The Shining (1980)

Based on but far removed from Stephen King’s novel, this is a film that some of us understand as Kubrick’s greatest work, while others do not. But we who are in the know, view this haunted house as a character itself, allowing ample space without any breathing room, isolating then rejecting all horror clichés, and abusing the actors until their hair began to fall out (note: this actually happened to Shelley Duvall). It’s one long build up of symbolic paradoxes and fleeting inconsistencies, details easily missed by the untrained eye, almost another movie hidden within the movie, so easy to get lost in once you find the key. And yet you never truly find out what it’s about. Is this some paranormal tale? Or one of insanity? We must never know, hence why it still divides opinion to this very day, some calling it “too long” and others calling it “overrated”, which are the type of comments that make me a dull boy. Rather, I consider this film to be the scariest horror I have ever seen (and I’ve seen them all), but so stylish in its attack that you don’t realise how freaked out you were until the film is over and it’s time for bed.


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My 5 Favourite Things On The Internet

I know what you are thinking: the internet is a pretty big place. Well, bravo, genius, did you come up with that all by yourself? Or did I just come up with it for you? It doesn’t matter, the fact is that, yes, it is a big place. I myself reached the end of the internet once, and it was a complete mess of long-forgotten cat images, a bunch of gore videos primarily focusing on genitalia, and a gigantic demon with Nicolas Cage’s face who claimed to have my bank details. It took a while to get home from there.

Just listen to me for one second. While the task of writing a list such as this may seem impossible to some one like you, I am no ordinary person. For example: the ring and pinkie toe on my right foot do not bend. There are other things too, Im sure. I reckon by now this introduction has reached a decent enough length so that it wraps around the main image, and now I will move on.

05. The Beetlejuice Twitter Bot

Imagine my horror when, upon writing this entry, I discovered that this once beloved Twitter account was now defunct, the genius retiring the idea around August this year. GODDMANIT, WHY DOES EVERYTHING I LOVE END UP LEAVING ME?

But even if its existence has evaporated into the afterlife, its presence still lingers in the joy it once granted me, hence why I cherish its memory by keeping this point intact. I just feel sorry for you lot only discovering this anomaly now, as you will never know the joy of tweeting the words “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” only to have this bot proudly spring into action upon your mentions, proclaiming “ITS SHOWTIME!”, just like in the mooovie! Lolyay!

A moment of silence for its passing, and while we do that, let’s look at some other funny botty Twitter accounts in hopes that this passage justifies its worth afterall.

Yes, You’re Racist
An account which calls out people who tweet “I’m not racist, but...” because any sentence that starts that way is more than likely racist.

Your in America Bot
An account which corrects people when they say something to the effect of “Your in America, speak English!” Oh, the irony.

Stealth Mountain
Similarly, this account corrects people when they say “sneak peak” instead of “sneak peek”. I enjoy such things.

04. The Same Photo of Jim Carrey Every Day Facebook Page

Nothing will brighten up your life more than the same photo of Jim Carrey, every single morning, delivered straight to your Newsfeed. Trust me, I live a very active and rewarding existence, but when this post shows its smiling face, I know my beautiful day has truly just begun. And I am not alone, as the page itself boasts over 150,000 Likes, while the identical image racks up 1000s of further Likes on a daily basis—many of which are my friends. They probably dont know this, but I desperately spend most of my early hours attempting to Like said post before they get a chance, as if some sick competitive ritual.

However, the secret magic of this image lies not in the daily delivery, but in the comments. Here you will find many different users honouring the practice of routinely commenting the exact same thing every day, to the point of madness. There are many, but the most popular by far revolve around Cody’s story, like so:

“Its good to see that in this world of changing chaos, that there are some things that will never change” - Cody Hendricks (close to 200 Likes a day)
“Lean on me, when youre not strong. And Ill be your friend.” - The Official Page’s response to Cody Hendricks (over 50 Likes every day)
“Im not the Cody youre looking for.” - Cody Mann (around 100 Likes a day)

Naturally, it doesn’t end there, and so I encourage you to go forth and find your own favourites, whilst welcoming the safe regularity of this wonderful distraction.

03. Spinal Tap’s IMDB Rating Goes to 11

If you haven’t seen This Is Spinal Tap, you should. Immediately. Stop reading, find it online, watch it, and then come back. Do not eat nor sleep nor speak nor fuck your boyfriend nor lick your teeth until you get this done, and then thank me in the comments below, to which Ill respond with "you’re welcome".

Did you do what I said? If so, great! I have a few more things I’d like you to do, mail me for details. And please continue reading.
If you have already seen the mockumentary, good on ya! You understand the importance of keeping up-to-date on significant cult classics. And please continue reading.
However, if you have chosen to proceed without viewing the film, you are an idiot, and I experience no guilt as I ruin this particular scene for you, primarily because the “up to eleven” idiom has become such a large part of popular culture parodies, that you’ve missed far too many jokes already. In a way, I’m actually just helping you out. Once again, you’re welcome.

ANYWAY, a very quick summary: the scene in question from the film presents guitarist Nigel Tufnel, as he shows-off the Spinal Tap Marshall amplifiers, which go to volume 11 rather than 10. It’s one louder.

Here is that exact same thing I described, except the actual video clip, which I probably should started have with.

Which brings us to the great dudes at IMDB, who recognised the significance of such a potent line, and took it upon themselves to ensure that this movie’s rating went to 11. God bless you all, really.

02. All Wikipedia Articles Lead to Philosophy

Unlike the other entries on this list, the “All Wikipedia Articles Lead to Philosophy” phenomenon is just that: a phenomenonon. This was not some intentional man made lolsies, but rather, something that just kinda ... happened.

It works like this: by clicking on the very first (non-parenthesized, non-italicised, non-external) link in the main text of any Wikipedia article, and then continuing to do so as you ride along subsequent articles, you have a 94.52% chance of ending up on the Philosophy page (usually within 23 clicks). Granted, you may get stuck in a loop or fall on a linkless piece, but that more than likely won’t happen. Try it yourself! Go to a random article and start clicking! Count your steps! Tell your friends! LOVE YOURSELF.

And you know what the best part about this is? Nobody is entirely sure why it happens, ooooooh. However, there are some theories, the most popular of which stating that (due to the Wikipedia Manual of Style guidelines on how to write the lead section of an article) contributors are encouraged to start an article by defining its topic, leading the user into a wider more umbrella subject. And seeing as philosophy is known as the "mother of all sciences", I guess it kinda makes sense that every road leads there. Man, that’s some deep shit.

01. Futurama Neutral Balance YouTube Likes

I have no strong feelings one way or the other.

Which is to say, I do! I really do! I mean, what is going on here? WHO KEEPS DOING THIS????

It’s pretty much the simplest thing ever: Six years ago some dude uploaded a 4 second video to YouTube, a clip from Futurama titled Neutral Response, and the internet decided they liked this. In fact, they liked it so much that theyve watched it over 4,850,000 times. And, before we knew it, a suicidal mission had developed, one to maintain the neutral balance, proving that we all have strong feelings about having no strong feelings one way or the other. If you’re confused, just look at the Likes and Dislikes, and then you’ll be part of the team. Godspeed.

Of course, as is the nature with such a fragile system, it has become a little bit of a war, and there will always be those kids on the playground who want to watch the world burn. With that in mind, you might be unfortunate enough to see the Likes/Dislikes sway one way or another, much to everyone’s embarrassment. However, generally by simply refreshing the page, you should find that order has been swiftly restored. If not, maybe try help rectify the situation yourself? Be a pal. Make yourself useful for once.

Regardless, it’s my favourite thing on the internet, excluding this one porno video where Hillary Scott takes it ass to pussy over and over again, risking an infection but proving she is a professional whose priority is to please the part of my perverse brain which has retarded beyond recognition.


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How To Win Ex Back Battle For Her Heart

Do you know how to win ex back?  When a woman has left a man, she probably has a good reason, at least in her own mind.  Thus, you have to be prepared to battle for her heart if you want to win ex back. And you will probably be able to get your ex back.

A relationship has a beginning, a middle and an end.  The question is whether you are in the middle and just taking a hiatus or whether it is really over and you are at the end. 
If your girlfriend wants to start the relationship anew, you need to be able to work things out on a fresh start.  You should plan out your steps ahead of time if you want the new relationship to work out better than the old one did.

First of all, consider why you broke up.  Were there underlying problems that plagued your relationship?  If so, how can you fix them going forward? 

Second, analyze why you want your ex back.  Do you just feel lonely because she’s not around?  If so, any woman will do.  But, if you have a hole in your heart that only she will fill, that’s different.

Third, you need to become the person that she needs.  Think back to what you were like when she fell in love with you.  Have you changed?  Did you stop doing interesting things when you devoted all of your time to her?  Have you stopped going to the gym thinking that there’s no reason to stay in shape now that you’ve snagged the girl?  Become the person she wants to win ex back.

Fourth, consider that the first thing you say to your ex after a break up may be the most important words ever to come out of your mouth.  The wrong words can change the balance of the relationship.  Don’t beg her to come back.  Don’t do anything to irritate her.  She probably still harbors good feelings for you and you don’t want to do anything that would change this.

Fifth, you can use the good memories you’ve built to your advantage.  Talk about the good times you had.  If she gave you a special sweater, wear it when you know she’s going to be around.  If you can, arrange to meet at a place that has meaning for you for a quick drink.

Sixth, try to mirror her words and body language.  If she uses an uncommon word, try to work it into the conversation yourself.  If she places her left hand on her cheek, do the same.  Don’t overdo it or be obvious, but this kind of “mirror imaging” gets you back in synch.

Seventh, let her know that you are thinking about her.  Go out of your way to send her a card on her birthday.  If you know she has a big review at work, send her an encouraging note. 

By following these seven steps, you should be able to win ex back.  As long as you are still on friendly terms, you can use your friendship to become romantic once more.
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10 Reasons to Become Vegetarian

Long Introduction:
Why I Became a Veggie

They said it couldnt be done, but I am proud to announce that on this very day, I have been a vegetarian for an entire year. Applause! However, I can’t state that this journey has been the easiest one, as there are certain social factors one forgets to take into account when completely uprooting their diet. There was much frustration from my peers as they had to prepare a different meal just for me, and even more confusion as to why I had made this life changing step. “How come you are suddenly a vegetarian now, Jared?” they may all ask, to which Id usually respond “it’s a long story”.

But now, for the first time, I shall reveal the exact reasons as to why the decision was made, mainly so that I am no longer obliged to answer that question ever again. I can just provide this URL! As follows:

Interestingly enough, my initial inner flirtations with meat abstinence took place within this very blog, back in 2013. I was writing an article about the meaning of life (titled Everything, All Of The Time), when I started to get these weird mental flashes. EATING LIFE IS WRONG is what they said, and, naturally, I’d freak out, quickly shoving a ball of bacon into my mouth just to dampen them crazy thoughts. And it worked, for a while.

Except some sort of realisation had already been made. I remember seeing a video of a cute baby pig rolling around in the grass, and I’d say “awww” and then BAM! EATING LIFE IS WRONG. Holy shit, what the fuck was that?? I’d panic, and remind myself that meat was tasty and digestible and filled with protein and blaaah, and then it would slowly fade into the depths of my mind once again. Another big example of when this intrusive thought took place, was when I saw an image of these two dudes that had caught this MASSIVE fish. They were crouched next to it, all smiles and thumbsup, while the gaping animal lay on the boat with a sad stupid look on its face. There was a large gash in between its eyes, and that’s when I realised you probably have to smack a thing that sizes brain out just to immobilise it and then BAM! EATING LIFE IS WRONG. I felt sick and shameful and actually mourned for the death of this beautiful creature, even though it was gross stinky fish

So needless to say, there was a seed and it was growing. At this point, I had started to embrace it a little bit, figuring that even if vegetarians were assholes, I kinda understood where they were coming from and admired them on a certain level. A part of me started to consider giving it a go one day, without realising that one day would come sooner than I thought, on the 6th of November, 2014.

I was drunk and stumbling around the dirty streets of Stratford, when I remembered I was hungry, ducked into some dodgy kebab shop, and ordered a burger. Whilst eating it on my way home, I was repulsed. The meat was grey and soggy and spongy, kinda crumbled into strings within my mouth, and tasted like absolutely nothing at all. The next morning I awoke with a miserable tummy, and in that moment I made the decision (without telling anyone) to quit dead animals for one month. Just to see.

That month was interesting. I read a lot of stuff, and not only learned how to make my diet even more nutritional than before, but also discovered the horrors of the industry. Furthermore, there were countless omens which presented themselves out of nowhere. All of a sudden, pro-vegetarian articles were everywhere, and complete strangers would talk to me about the advantages of a veggie lifestyle without even knowing my current stance on the matter. But the biggest game changer came when I went and saw Morrissey live in concert, only to be bombarded with imagery of bull fights and slaughter houses, churning my stomach upside down and prodding my sympathy glands with heated irons. After the show, I witnessed some concert goers buying meatball subs, and I thought to myself “How can you do this?” And from then on (coupled with the fact that I had started to feel amazing on a moral and physical level), I decided that a month was not enough. I needed to dedicate myself to this movement, full time.

Once you turn vegetarian, you do become a little obsessive about the practice (please forgive all of us), and as a result, we read and learn a lot about food. And so, to celebrate my anniversary and my yearly collection of knowledge, here are the top 10 most convincing reasons I found to make the change. Join us! Jooiiin uuusss!!

01. You Will Live Longer

It’s no secret anymore, and (try as they might) the meat fanatics are having more and more of a difficult time denying the simple truth that meat isn’t very healthy for you (especially in the excess the general population are consuming it). Here are some facts to scare you a little further:

A vegetarian diet lowers blood pressure substantially. In fact, reports are coming in that vegetarians are 32% less likely to develop heart disease, which is actually the biggest killer IN THE WORLD, by the way. One study revealed that veggies under the age of 65 were 45% less likely to suffer a heart attack than meat eaters, and while this percentage drops to 8% for them over 80 year-olds, it’s still a pretty fucking huge number if you compare it.

Research is also seriously starting to unveil some worrying links between meat eating and various types of cancer, including colon, prostate, pancreatic, gastric, and breast. Three of those body parts can be related to sexual relationships, and so you might want to pause and let that one sink in a little bit. Hell, it was even as recent as last week when information went viral, stating that bacon could be on the same cancerous level as cigarettes.

Furthermore, a vegetarian diet is also well known to lower the risk of diabetes, so theres a little bonus point for you.

Due to all of these facts (as well as the link between meat and obesity, one of the biggest killers in the US), it is no surprise that vegetarians simply live longer. Many studies agree that it’s up to 20% longer, on average 10 more years than our carnivorous counterparts.
And honestly, what is more important than your life?

P.S: I refuse to fall into the debate of whether eating meat is even natural or not, but I will urge you to take a look at this little convincing image I stumbled upon. Use it, dont use it, die young, whatever.

02. You’re a Fucking Hero

If an animal falls down a well and is trapped, screaming for help, and then some dude climbs down there and saves its life, would you not consider that person a hero? Well, you can be that person. Without even leaving your house.

I think the reason why many people stop eating meat is for ethical purposes, and I am not much different. Over the last year I have become so passionate about the travesty of animal mistreatment, that I really struggled to write this piece without getting angry, patronising, or simply downright rude. As a result, I am currently taking a deep breath, and attempting to tell you what I think, calmly and rationally.

First and foremost, please understand that I am not, nor ever was, an above average animal lover. I dig animals for sure, what’s not to dig? They are cute and they are trippy and I don’t think anyone could naturally have anything against them. But what this article comes down to, is that they have a life, just like you and me. They have eyes and they have brains and they feel fear and they feel suffering. And that’s what freaks me out.

Deny it all you want, but every single one of these creatures are being bred and tortured and murdered in the most horrific of ways. “But Jared, there are humane slaughter houses that...” stop. Do your research. Ensure you have a strict definition of what humane means to you, and then find out what these places are actually doing. 99.99% of these businesses are worse than you think, and most of them feature pretty much the cruellest of all living conditions you can imagine—much worse than anything any group of humans ever went through in history, and all it would take is a simple Google search to prove this to you. I refuse to use PETA shock tactics on my holy blog, but I double dare you to take a little look around and challenge the convenience you have accepted, hopefully exposing some guilt you have been taught to ignore.

Beyond even this, what it comes down to, is that people are literally digesting flesh which had energy of a living being running through it, just like you and me. It is more than likely that the last bit of energy to ever run through the meat you chew, was one of immense confusion and panic. You are allowing the emotion of fear to be digested through your own body, and I simply refuse to put myself through that. There is no reason. There are other options. You don’t have to do this.

And that is why vegetarians are heroes. It has been estimated that the average veggie saves 100-400 animals a year from this misery and death. 100 TO 400 FUCKING LIVES SAVED! EACH VEGETARIAN! IN ONE YEAR! Tell me that isn’t heroic. And even if you dont think so, I am still honoured to do my part.

However, if you choose to ignore these facts, that’s fine, but please do me a favour and never complain about animal product testing or dog fights or bull fights or trophy hunting or circus animals or Sea World ever again, because you are a hypocrite with no value for the life of your fellow beings anyway. The meat industry is literally the worst thing that has ever happen to earthly suffering, and it takes place in unnecessarily mass amounts on a daily basis. You are a part of this problem. And you might as well eat your dog and your cat while you’re at it, because I am yet to understand the difference.

Ok, sorry about that! I’ll try to be more funny from now on.

03. You Will Be Happier And More Sexy

Depressed? Anxious? Stressed? Maybe you should cut down your meat intake, mate, as this action has been proven to make you a happier chappy.

The reasons as to why this happens are varied and unclear, but one decent theory is down to magnesium, which is essential for energy, fighting headaches, improving sleep and regulating your mood. Meat has very low levels of magnesium (except for some seafood) and so if mountains of steak or chicken is the staple of your diet, perhaps reconsider.

Another research piece split people into three groups, allowing the first to eat meat, the second only fish, and the third only veggie. After two weeks, the participants showed massive differences in happiness from one group to another, and as you’d assume, the vegetarian team soared miles higher than rest. Intrigued, the researchers found that the veg group had a much lower circulation of arachidonic acid, a substance only found in animal foods, known to inflame the brain and possibly contribute to Alzheimers disease. While this isn’t a directly proven link to happiness, it could be the first step in creating one.

Part of this happiness, however, may also be related to your quality of life. Besides the health benefits stated in point #1, a plant-based diet is loaded with fibre, which keeps you way more regular and less sluggish than meat foods, which in turn should make you feel a lot more energetic than before. Whee!

And finally, you will look much sexier. While going veggie doesn’t guarantee weight loss, it is generally understood to have much lower fat and sugar content than a meat diet, which should trim down your flabs substantially. In fact, over 65% of American adults aged 20 and up are overweight or obese, but obesity among vegetarians and vegans is below 10%.
Furthermore, many veggies report their skin, hair, and nails have never looked healthier, while other sources claim a plant-based diet actually slows down the process of ageing itself. And being attractive is the most important thing there is!

04. You’ll Learn How to Cook Properly

I don’t care what you say, anyone can slap a slab of steak or chicken onto a plate and call it a meal, but when your options are a little more constricted, you are forced to think further out the box to create a properly substantial meal. For some, this may sound like a ballache, but for me, it was a godsend, as suddenly food grew a new life as my creativity blossomed within the limitations. Vegetables were no longer the healthy side bit of the meal I soldiered through just to hit the mains. It now was the mains, and thus began the mission to somehow rival the taste I once knew before.

So for the first time in my life, I bought a (vegetarian) cookbook, and shit got much more interesting from that purchase onward. Meals morphed into experiments and adventures; combinations mattered so much more; spices and nuts and literally any vegetable was now up for consideration; and eventually, I reached the point where my meals were more colourful and far tastier than they ever were before. Basically, if you suck at cooking and want to actually learn about food, go veggie, and then impress your friends and lovers.

Bonus Point #1: You will also find yourself abruptly aware of nutrients and vitamins when you drastically alter your diet, and I personally found myself paying so much more attention to what I was putting into my body, meaning my meals are now also fuckoff healthier.
Bonus Point #2: Deciding what to buy at the supermarket or ordering from a restaurant has never been simpler! It’s like, uhm, I’ll have the veggie offer, thanks a lot :P

05. Some Of Your Favourite People Do It

It helps to take the first step (or even reaffirm your previous decision) when you remind yourself how many of the coolest people in the world subscribe to the same principles as you do. Here are 25 of my besties to get you started (complete with relevant quotes!):

"So I am living without fats, without meat, without fish, but am feeling quite well this way. It always seems to me that man was not born to be a carnivore."
- Albert Einstein

"Im a vegan, but I like to look good, too."
- Andre 3000 (concerning the hypocrisy over his tendency to wear fur, naughty boy)

"Soon after I went vegan, I saw some documentary footage of what happens in the factory farming of cows... It sealed the deal."
- Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

“I could never see myself eating a best friend.”
- Betty White

“The eating of meat extinguishes the seed of great compassion.”
- Buddha

"My mother taught me a lot about respect for all living things—for plants and animals. I am a vegetarian. I was brought up that way."
- David LaChapelle

“I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms.”
- Ellen DeGeneres

“Why are vegans made fun of while the inhumane factory farming process regards animals and the natural world merely as commodities to be exploited for profit?”
- Ellen Page

“I became vegetarian a very long time ago, around age eleven, when I realized that there was very little difference between a chicken, a cow, a horse, or my dog. Making that odd distinction between who we eat and who we don’t seemed very unnatural to me, so I just stopped eating animals entirely.”
- Fiona Apple

“To my mind, the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. I should be unwilling to take the life of a lamb for the sake of the human body. I hold that, the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man.”
- Mahatma Gandhi

"Im pretty healthy so I think that helps a lot. Ive been that way for a long time. Twenty solid years of eating vegetarian/vegan and taking care of myself. That probably helps the preservation process."
- Jared Leto

“One day I had a stew and there was a bit of meat in the stew and it was so raw that I just identified immediately that this was an animal and I just thought, ‘No, I’m not into this’”
- Kate Bush

“I have from an early age abjured the use of meat, and the time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals as they now look upon the murder of men.”
- Leonardo Da Vinci

“Then came the day that made the crucial difference. I looked down from my terrace hanging over the Thames one morning. It was low tide and there, stranded on the pebbles, was a four-legged corpse—hairless, white and bloated. Was it a calf or a sheep or a goat or a dog? I stared at it until the tide rose and washed it away. For 24 hours I was off my food. When I started eating again, I couldnt face meat—fresh or tinned.”
- Ian McKellan

"So many good plants/fruits/veggies to eat you aint gottttta eat dead animals!"
- Miley Cyrus

"We get violently upset when animals eat human beings. So why shouldnt we feel horror when human beings eat animals?"
- Morrissey

“Part of my reason for being vegetarian was because it practices respect and love for life all through the day, so three times a day, you make a decision to eat things that have not been killed.”
- Natalie Portman

"How we treat the vulnerable is how we define ourselves as a species"
- Russell Brand

“If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian.”
- Sir Paul McCartney

“You eat food containing fear, that’s why you’re scared.”
- Ninja (Die Antwoord)

“Good Viking genes, being vegetarian and having rowdy dogs and kids definitely keep me in shape. Not eating meat gives me the energy I need to keep up with work, family and travel—Im very active.”
- Pamela Anderson

“I like animals, all animals. I wouldnt hurt a cat or a dog—or a chicken or a cow. And I wouldnt ask someone else to hurt them for me. Thats why Im a vegetarian.”
- Peter Dinklage (Tyrion Lannister from Game of Thrones)

“Almost as soon as I went vegan, people started telling me that my skin looked great, and that I appeared younger, slimmer, and healthier. Im convinced that of all the changes Ive made to my lifestyle, its the adoption of a vegan diet that has been best for me—physically, mentally, and certainly spiritually.”
- Steve-O

“The first thing was Meat is Murder [a song by The Smiths]. The second thing was getting sick all the time, every time I ate meat—getting sick a lot ... and the third thing was I started going out with this girl, and I wanted to impress her so I pretended Id been vegetarian all along. I immediately felt a lot better, a lot healthier. I was concerned, as many people are, about that youre not going to get all the things you need in your diet, youre going to get sick all the time, but the exact opposite happened to me, so I never looked back. It was never a problem straight off."
- Thom Yorke

“When I was 23, 24, I used to have a really bad runny nose, mucus, tons of acne, reddishness all over. A woman on a bus I took looked at me and said I was lactose intolerant. She said, ‘Stop dairy for three days, and all this is going to go away.’ I stopped dairy, and sure enough it was gone three days later, never to return except when I get dairy accidentally.”
- Woody Harrelson

Pick your own favourites from this massively extensive list via Happy Cow :)

06. Morning Afters Are Hard Enough

You know how it is: you’ve drank a few more beers than you should have, you’re stumbling along, homeward bound, and then you sniff out something edible. Before you know it, you are the proud new owner of six pieces of chicken, twelve spicy bbq wings, two bags of fries, one kebab, and a large Diet Pepsi. You don’t even like Pepsi! What’s worse, you bought it from that seedy joint down the road where the counter is made from cling film and the roaches deliver your order. It’s no wonder you woke up with the runs this morning whilst perpetually burping the taste of fried skin! Damnit, arent hangovers are bad enough?!

Granted, this all could have been easily integrated with my earlier health points (or even the sexy ones, fatty), but I split it off here because this is an oft-ignored factor which I found particularly beneficial. McDonalds has faded into the mist. KFC is just a smell. Fast food no longer taints my weekends and is (almost) dead to me. Of course, when you’re hungry and need a quick fix, this factor can be somewhat annoying, but believe me, you’ll always find a way to eat, and more often than not, wake up feeling much less guilty and much less gross about the lower calorie less fatty drunk munchies you consumed instead. As for the hangover and the hazy memory of whatever embarrassing thing you did the night before, that’s a separate issue (which I can help you with too, just ask).

07. Save The Planet And End World Hunger

People generally (conveniently) overlook this one, but by becoming a veggie, you not only reduce your carbon footprint drastically (more than almost any other method, in actual fact), but also aid the end of starvation.

The UN themselves have calculated that the climate emissions from the meat industry make up 18% of the global total—more than cars, planes, and all other modes of transport combined. But even this figure has come under scrutiny for being far too low, as two World Bank scientists estimate it goes up to a majority 51% when including the gases from manure, the oil burned by transporting the carcasses, the electricity required to cool the meat, the gas we use to cook it, the energy needed to plough the crops to feed the animals, and the pumping of the water these poor creatures need to drink. That’s over half our climate issues gone simply by quitting meat, poof.

Beyond this, there is that pesky issue of landmass. Friends of the Earth (an international network of environmental organizations in 74 countries) estimate 6 million hectares of forests are destroyed each year just to cater for livestock and to grow the crops to feed them with. That’s twice the size of Belgium, fyi. Furthermore, to produce one pound of animal protein takes about 12 times as much land, 13 times as much fossil fuel, and 15 times as much water than the soy equivalent. It’s become so bad now, that nearly 80% of land deforestation in the Amazon is used as cattle pasture, while the whole industry itself uses a staggering 30% of the Earth’s total land mass. Erm, so like, if we stop the industry, that whole running out space population problem wouldnt be a problem any more? Interesting.

Finally, the world’s cattle (excluding pigs and chickens) consume enough food to feed 8.7 billion people, which is more people than we have. Simply put, if everyone stopped eating meat, we would have the solution to the starvation of those in poverty, the climate change issues, and our overcrowding concerns. Its that easy.

08. Keep Your Hormones Human, And Your Stomach Poison-Free

Meat is weird. The animals they come from are more often than not pumped full of some sort of strange hormones, especially in the US, where 80% of livestock are injected with steroids and shit to increase their size and make them hornier, ensuring they breed as much as possible. Antibiotics and antibacterial medicines are also widely reported. Granted, it’s not so bad here in the UK, but there are more studies pointing towards gross things that meat eating does to us humans, including damaging our sperm count, which isnt something Im too keen on doing to myself. Oh, and hey, remember that mad cow disease thing? How about when we were all eating horses from Tescos? What the hell are we putting into our bodies anyway??

Ok, but let’s give your supplier the benefit of the doubt and say the meat you happen to get is 100% safe and happy. Even then, it needs to be kept so specifically that it makes one wonder how legitimate the system really is. If it’s not frozen properly or thawed properly or cooked properly, you can get really sick from parasites poisoning your intestines. Isn’t that a bit strange? Why would Mother Nature supply us with such a fragile food source? Once you stop worrying about these things, it becomes a very peculiar thing to watch other people worry about.

Personally, I dig it that most of my food is edible straight from the plant. Seems more like it was intended to be that way, as if God isn’t out to hurt us or something. But then again, maybe he is. Some people do think so.

09. You Will Have More Money

Of course, this won’t apply to some idiots, but the fact of the matter is that meat is more expensive than veggie substitutes, and the prices continue to rise. According to some studies, by opting to replace your meat protein sources for their veggie equivalents (nuts, beans, tofu), you can save up to 47% on your main meals.

There are other factors too. For example: veggies preserve better, which means you can stock up easier (think about the apocalypse), whereas meat goes off rather quickly when not frozen. Furthermore, rotten meat is useless and even deadly, whilst vegetable waste can go straight back into your garden for compost. Oh, the cycle of life.

But why stop there? You can even go as far as simply growing your entire meals in your own backyard when it comes to a vegetarian diet. Try raising a cow at home, your neighbours will be well pissed off.

And finally, as we’ve already covered , you will be much healthier, and so any medical bills you come across should be substantially lower too. I mean, perhaps you don’t care about the animals, but you know you love money, and this is a simple way to ensure you have even more of it. Wow, do the benefits ever end?

10. You Are Better Than Everyone

I probably shouldnt be telling you this, but once you become a vegetarian, you get a little card in the mail that grants you entrance into the elite club of veggos, entitling you to look down on all other people who eat meat. You can finally be that dickhead at the party who demands a special meal, and perhaps even force guilt upon those who don’t subscribe to your new found enlightenment, simply by listing the points above. You are now a higher power above everyone else, you are closer to the Universe, you can flaunt your moral superiority, you will start to see in the dark, your genitalia will become smoother, your vocabulary will improve immediately, your sense of direction will sharpen, and you get your own spirit animal who will guide your every decision into success. It’s totally worth it, trust me.


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10 Reasons Why 10 is My Favourite Number

(1) 10 is the first double digit number in the whole entire Universe.
(2) 10 is the base of the decimal numeral system, most likely due to our 10 fingers.
(3) My name is Jared Woods. Its 10 letters long.
(4) J is the 10th letter of the alphabet.
(5) I was born on the 16th of October 1984 (16/10/94). October is the 10th month of the year.
(6) Back to 16/10/84: remove previous 10, and you’re left with 16/84. 16 + 84 = 100 = Ten 10s.
(7) In binary, 10 is like saying "yes no".
(8) It has heavy religious connotations (Ten Commandments, ten plagues on Egypt, Ten Martyrs in Jewish liturgy, ten generations between Noah and Abraham, the ten incarnations of Lord Maha Vishnu in Hinduism etc).
(9) It is the name of many music artists’ albums, including but not limited to: LL Cool J, New Kids on the Block, Wet Wet Wet, The Stranglers, Girls Aloud, and Pearl Jam.
(10) Finally, it represents the nature of all life, if you think about it: 1 seemingly phallic (looks like a penis), 0 seemingly yonic (looks like a vagina).

With that, here comes some stuff which is far less interesting: the latest on what’s been going on in my busy little creative life. Enjoy!

Juice Nothing

The 100 Best Songs Of The Decade So Far (2010 - 2014)
December is always the toughest month for my writing schedules, and so traditionally I like to take it easier in January. But, of course, when the above topic covers such a specific time period as this one, you can’t leave it too long before it becomes outdated. So I did the next best thing, and wrote 100 reviews for songs in 140 characters or less, like Twitter! Was a great experiment, a real test to push myself to condense my usual ramblings into a more concentrated length, and personally, I felt it was a success (even if no one else has really said so).

Worst To Best: David Bowie
As the third of my “Worst to Best” series, and the first one to venture into the world music, there could be no worthier candidate than the master of everything, David Bowie. I worked reaaaally hard on this blog, actually the whole of January was spent relistening to all of his albums in chronological order to rate them as such, carefully reviewing each one as I went along. I think it came out great, and a tough contender to beat for my favourite of the year.

20 Hottest Girls Ever (Part II)
Just launched this one, and everything you need to know is in the introduction. To summarise: (1) It is the sequel to my 2010 hit of the same name; (2) It is arguably the dumbest thing Ive ever written; and (3) I did it for the hits. Please forgive me.

As per usual, lots of plans, lots of ideas. I have more blogs I wanted to write this year than I could possibly find time for, so everything is going to be ok on this side, don’t you worry.

This Very Blog

Without announcing it whatsoever, I secretly changed the overall design of this very site you’re reading right now, perhaps you noticed? If not, here is a refresher:

Muuuuch better, I’m sure you will agree. Perhaps now I can go back to the redesign of the Juice Nothing home page? Probably not.

Coming Down Happy

Nothing major to really report, except that I have been working damn hard on the Sex is Disgusting EP (there is a studio diary with more details here if you are interested) and it is finally coming together somewhat, to the point that I am actually excited about it for the first time in probably six months. There is a looooong way to go, I’m not even convinced I’ll finish it this year, but who cares? It’s only music.

Related: as I mentioned in the last news update, there is a really huge new section coming to the Coming Down Happy site within the first half of this year. No spoilers, but it’s moving along, looking pretty rad, and is well overdue.

More news about CDH in the FPP section below, scrolly scoll.

The Goat’s Nest

I am 90% sure that the next piece on this blog will be the sequel to The Triangular Theory of Love. It’s pretty much done. Just need a bit of polish and then come the end of April, it’s all yours (hopefully).

Furthermore, I will be on an aeroplane soon (more on that in the conclusion), and as is tradition, I will be starting my next short story on said flight. I guess I might as well tell you that it will be the continuation of Clean Birth.

Finally, This is Your Brain on Drugs, my full length fucking novel thing, is very very close now. There are only one or two illustrations left I think, then just a tiny amount of formatting and other bits and shits to take care of. Honestly, I shouldn’t be working on anything else until this is out, but it seriously could be any month now.

The Funpowder Plot

A new video! And I made it all by myself!
It’s called Valentine’s Day and was part of those “Monthly Projects” I spoke of last news item. The month in question was January, where armed with nothing but crayons and Adobe Flash, I spat this out. I am super stoked with it as was everyone else, and while it didn’t go viral as I always hope, it is still one decent player in the game of Jared, and it’s nice to have contributed to the Plot solo for once.

Besides this, The Freewheelin’ Troubadour is getting married soon and embarking on a massive long tour of the world, which leaves only me, Loose, and Ammr to hold the fort. Ammr himself has become very popular since that Shura video received over eight and a half million hits, and as a result, he has a lot of offers coming in, which should provide some great content for the site.

Of course, this means that the Coming Down Happy video has kinda been pushed back, and it looks like I will be tackling this one all by myself once again, which is good, because CDH was always a DIY thing anyway. Perhaps I may not have the technical genius of my comrades nor the fancy equipment, but I do have ideas and a big plan. I know how to get what I want, and I know how to make it look good. Slowly, this is becoming a priority.

Painting

Once again, as part of this “monthly projects” thing I’ve been doing, I started painting with acrylic over Feb, and loved it so much that I kinda let it leak into March. This is what I’ve spat out so far:
Miley Cyrus
Slender Man and Maddie
Goodbye Kitty

For a while, this art form really connected to my life for some reason, and it has been many years since I felt so passionate about an avenue. It’s so therapeutic, at points I didn’t go to parties just because this is what I want to spend my time doing. However, I will be taking a break now, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a few more appear throughout the year, and perhaps some kind of a big announcement at the end. Yes, I know something you don’t.

Band

It is with a sad heart that I announce our guitarist, Andy, has left us to go live in Bristol. The decision was understood and the whole thing, while shit, happened on good terms. The rest of us spoke about it and decided we wanted to continue, but rather than replace Andy, Milz (previously vocals/violin) has moved to keyboards, and we honestly sound even better in my opinion. We have the workings of about five songs or so, and I actually really like them, which is a rare thing for me. I have had bad band experiences before, but God, I really hope this one at least makes it to some sort of recording/gigging stage. It’s so much fun.


Yup, I think that’s it. Now, as I touched upon earlier, I am off to India from the end of this month ‘til the the 11th of April. I am not sure if this is important, but it may be, as whatever was planned for said time period will obviously get no love whatsoever. I think things will be ok though, because everything always is.

Oh, finally, I have been taking Instagram heaps more cereal these days, so you should follow me! Seriously, please follow me. It gives my life meaning.

Ok bye,
Jared


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Reasons for breaking up

Ive begun doing some online research on the reasons why couples break up. Mostly Im interested in whether certain techniques for getting back together work best for particular break-up reasons.

For example, what if make-up sex is the best way to get your ex back, if you were dumped because you cheated? Im not saying thats the case; Im just wondering if something like that is true.

To be honest, thats a really bad example. Having an affair would require a pretty detailed plan for getting back together -- certainly not something simplistic like make-up sex, or making your ex jealous, or reverse psychology.

But I could totally believe that make-up sex is a good technique to try, if you got dumped after a big fight. Id buy that.

Ill see where my research leads. The great thing about the internet, with all its blogs and forums with real people talking about real life, is that if you study it well enough you can find patterns for success and failure. No matter what problem youre trying to solve.
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